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King-Size

April 24, 2009
by

Two Oyros

Two Oyros, Plus Respect

The XXL KINGS ROSTER is the clown shoe of meats. It’s an impulse buy peddled on subway platforms to the pacing hungry.

Try angling one of these lard batons onto a crowded subway at rush hour. Awkwardness and embarrassment ensue. No matter what you do, you’re pointing it at someone, and it’s pointing back at you. You can only watch from a distance as the far end of your wurst drips crackling grease into strollers and sweatshirt hoods. You need a radius. You need a bun.

Oh lord, what were you thinking?

Probably something about the big sausage.

Put up your golden locks and take a bite, Winifred. Better take a bigger one and don’t just nibble with your teeth like that–you’ve got a long way to go and the hot-fat fire hose loves to scald.

The "King"

The "King"

Shoot. You didn’t mind the gap. Your roster fell right through the cracks and down onto the tracks. Problem solved?

No problem at all, the Wurst Ersatz Zwerg-Team (WEZT) has another one for you.

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