Skip to content

Birthday Insurance

August 28, 2009
by

A Balloon Animal

A Balloon Animal

A slight quease passed over me this morning upon spotting an email from my German student health insurer. Did my automatic withdrawal reservoir finally scrape bottom? Was I dropped because classes are out for summer?

Man, and on my birth-day no less.

The deal seemed too rosy from the start. I signed up online with barely more than a passport number and a school name–no medical questions asked. I opted for the equivalent of an American “Cadillac” plan which cost 35 Euros a month and included renter’s insurance. I could cancel anytime I wanted;   they could not.

My policy was approved the next afternoon. Covered.

Now, surely my German skills were failing me: this was a birthday greeting. Just a birthday greeting.

I know it’s a robo-mail, but what surprises me (aside from the absence of life-course demolishing news) is that they didn’t even exploit the opportunity to sell me an upgrade or spook me on the looming specter of American socialism.

Here’s a rough translation:

Subject: Heartfelt Best Wishes

Good day MR. EDWARD,

Congratulations on your birthday today!

We wish you a wonderful day, many heartfelt congratulations and excellent gifts.

All the best and stay healthy!

Sincerely,

Your German Insurance “Team”

Of course, these “heartfelt wishes” are actually a thinly veiled threat reminding me of two things:

1) better stay healthy

because…

2) we know exactly how old you are and will terminate your life in 15,330 days or less, subject to review by European-style-death-panel.

As an American I fully recognize the lethal truth of socialism, but it’s nice to know for one special day that my government regulated health insurance provider’s heartfelt best wishes are warm, and mandatory.

Advertisements
No comments yet

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: