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The Whitest Chips

February 5, 2010

My dear old grandmother once remarked on a plain white freezer bag, in her gentle Florida drawl, “Isn’t that the whitest bag you ever saw?”. Her eyesight was failing due to macular degeneration at the time, but still she nailed it: that was a white, white bag.

I had to think of my Grandmama upon discovering the rather aptly named White Chips pictured above.

Oh, White Chips, what are you made of? I’m guessing the same stuff as Funyuns, minus the fun and the onyuns. That basically leaves pulverized goat bones and poultry mucus–plus the White Chips trademark: two hefty scoops of Slovakian factory air.

Second place for whitest bag of chips goes to TACCOS, a product that suffers from a special kind of ethnic identity dysphoria. TACCOS offers the big shish-kebab taste you crave, in the little calamari shape you love, with the Tex-Mex image you know absolutely nothing about. This is one reason half the Germans in Berlin think “tacos” and “nachos” are synonyms for tortilla chips.

It seems this rogue spelling might actually be catching on: “TACCOS”–a tiny picture of two cheese n’ ground beef, pre-fab hard shells–has 52 friends on Facebook, and there are some Americans up in that mix as well (talking to you, Young Idaho).

The best thing about White Chips–they call it like it is.

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